Despair or Comfort
by YetAnotherJanewayFan
Summary: I'm going to be Evil on this one... You have to read to find out what it is about... ONESHOT


I was very skeptical on whether or not I wanted to post this but then, I thought to myself, what the hell they might enjoy it…

**Despair or Comfort**

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><p><em>I stare down at the sea below me. I can't help but wonder if it was the right choice to make, making a contract with a demon and selling my soul. Should I have? Thinking back on it now, I realize that without Sebastian I wouldn't even be alive. I'd have surely been cut open and used as a sacrifice, just like all those other children. Sebastian saved my life. He has made me into this being I am, but this is not who I want to be. <em>

Ciel turned from his perch on the side of the shore and locked eyes with the demon of his musings. There was a tight lipped grin on those blank lips. There was absolutely no emotion whatsoever in those eyes, though Ciel, the one who has been with him longest, could tell, by the way his eyes had dulled over the years, that he was not in the least bit happy with having to be a butler for eternity. When Ciel continued to stare, amusement flashed across Sebastian's eyes before it faded back into his placid look.

"Young Master?"

Ciel gave a start, seeming to come out of a particular daydream, and once again locked eyes with Sebastian.

"What?"

"You are staring, my lord, is there something you require?"

"N-no," Ciel said sadly, "I was just thinking."

"Really, about what, might I ask?"

Ciel stared in hesitation for only a moment before replying…

"You…"

"You were thinking about me," Sebastian questioned surprised. "Though I am humbled that you would think in regard of a lowly servant, might I ask what for?"

Ciel chose not to reply; instead, he turned completely from the sure and walked to the carriage that waited like a loyal hound at the side of the road. Sebastian followed silently, musing to himself a reason why his master would think of him when there was no need to. They reached the carriage and Sebastian helped his master into it, though Ciel hissed at him in exasperation.

Once both were settled in the carriage, Ciel gave a sigh of what sounded like defeat.

"I am hungry, Sebastian."

"Hmm, this surely cannot be what has been troubling you this entire time," Sebastian inquired with a frown.

"No," Ciel stated simply turning his head to look out of the window somberly.

"Forgive me for saying thing, Master, but you have been acting strange for a while now."

"Oh? How so…?"

"Well, you have been uncharacteristically quiet, and you sigh a lot and well you stare at me a great deal. Are you quite well?"

"I don't know."

"Those curt answers, they are so unlike you, my lord."

"They are," Ciel agreed but voiced nothing in regard to changing it.

"Please, Young Master, what is the matter?"

"I should have died… I should be dead… I should be buried in the earth and the maggots should be eating away my flesh. Instead I am trapped in this… hellish existence with a butler who would rather be elsewhere, a butler who still considers me a meal even after all we have been through together. Ciel suddenly glanced at Sebastian causing the older demon to start and Ciel caught a fain flash of an emotion he wasn't too sure of before it was hidden away like nothing had played upon his face. All but irked, Ciel accused…

"You are thinking about the soul you cannot taste now, are you not?"

Sebastian did not comment. Ciel huffed and turned angrily back to the window. In his anger, his eyes flashed a red richer than Sebastian's. Sebastian could see then through the reflection of the window and he shuddered in disgust before he shifted his gaze. When it became apparent that neither of them was going to talk, Ciel got up from the carriage, wobbling comically and wretched the door open. Before Sebastian had time to chide his Master of his reckless behavior, Ciel was out of the carriage, racing along the streets to a place in which he hoped Sebastian wouldn't follow. He passed by many humans who only acknowledged his presence as a severe gust of wind.

Sebastian sighed in frustration. He would have to be the one to ride the carriage back to the manor and come up with an excuse for the cabby. He sighed again and sank back into his chair. If anyone who knows him saw him at that moment they would have said he was sulking, but that wasn't the case. His head turned uneasily to the window his master previously vacated. He silently hoped that Ciel would be alright, there were still a lot of dangers that a fledgling of his caliber didn't know of. Sebastian just hoped that he didn't try something, or do something foolish.

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><p>Ciel came to an abrupt halt at the bridge overlooking the river. He startled a human infant, who started to cry in its mother arms, beating its tiny fists in the air, and screaming at the top of its lungs. It stared at Ciel with fearful eyes, for the infant could see that Ciel was not at all human. Annoyed with the mother progress to shut her infant up Ciel flashed his eyes and the baby fell silent. List a ghost he pushed past the mother, who was checking the baby to see if he was breathing, and infant and walked to edge of the bridge and stared at the water as it rushed to meet the overlapping current below. The mother only then acknowledged his presence as she gave a tiny shriek of fright. The boy turned to her exasperatedly. When she saw him she gave him a low apology, laughing nervously and claiming that she gave her such a fright. With one hand clutched to her chest, over her heart, and the other holding fast to the infant, she scurried away from the dangerous looking boy. With her gone, Ciel gave a relieved sigh. Finally he was away from not only that insensitive butler but for now a fair amount of humans as well. He was conflicted; torn between what he felt and what he knew. He didn't want to bear with this anymore he didn't want to live. Sebastian words still echoed in his head…<p>

"_You can still die, you are a fledgling. You must be careful young master."_

That day he had sounded so concerned, he had sounded like he cared for Ciel in the slightest bit, but after those words his cold stare followed and embedded themselves almost permanently on the butler face.

'_He hates me, I know he does. I… I would hate me too.'_

Ciel climbed up on the bridge rail and stood there. He would release Sebastian in the only way he knew how.

"What do you think you are doing Lord Phantomhive?"

Ciel turned to see Lord Randall staring at him, or more like frowning at him.

"What business is it of yours?"

"When a child is standing on the edge of the bridge like some crazed lunatic about to jump, I make it my business to at least talk some sense into him; though, now that I know that it is you I am a bit reluctant to stop you."

"…Stop me? What every makes you think you can?"

Lord Randall scowled at him, obviously not amused.

"I beg your pardon, Phantomhive?"

Ciel smirked before jumping off the bridge, demonstrating exactly what he meant. He looked below him and saw the water rushing up to meet him. He smiled a genuine smile, a smile he reserved only for Elizabeth and sighed in relief. He would finally release Sebastian from his imprisonment; his butler will finally be free of him. A single tear slid down his face as he hit the icy water.

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><p>Sebastian had just finished giving the cabby that drove him a wonderful performance when he felt a searing pain run up his left arm. He looked down to at his contract hand in amazement. Sighing heavily Sebastian sprinted from his stop at the top of the outside stairs and straight to where he could sense Ciel. When he reached the bridge, he saw a crowd of people gathered at the edge of the bridge. He didn't really get what either of them was saying, but from the situation he gathered that Ciel had somehow gone overboard. He spotted Randall in the crowd and frowned at the man. He heard him say…<p>

"Well good riddance to bad rubbish."

Randall felt a gush of wind. He started before locking eyes with the angry scowl of Ciel's butler as he jumped over the edge and in after his master.

One the side him the woman with the baby, who had returned to see what the commotion was, shrieked when the water rippled with Sebastian's impact. Someone else stated…

"Did you see that… Someone else fell in…

Lord Randall sighed…

"The pair of idiots," he muttered under his breath before calling in two suicides.

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><p>Sebastian plunged into the icy water without much thought. He wondered why Ciel had not simply come up on his own. He reasoned that maybe he had been knocked out somehow. He spotted Ciel floating downward in the water, very much aware of his surroundings. He looked a tad bit sad though and his body floated limply down to the bottom of the sea. Sebastian frowned at his; kicking his feet to pick up speed. When he finally reached the young demon, Ciel roughly pushed away from him, though Sebastian didn't really go too far for Ciel was steadily growing too weak to push him away.<p>

'_My lord, what are you doing," _Sebastian's voice wrung in Ciel's head, '_You're going to drown.'_

'_I'm freeing you," _was the whispered reply in Sebastian's head_ 'Is that not what you want?'_

Sebastian looked on in wonder for only a moment debating on whether or not this was what he wanted. When he saw Ciel stiffen for a moment before his eyes started to close, Sebastian's mind abruptly made its self-up.

'_NO, this is not what I want.'_

Ciel's eyes widened.

'_You do not wish to be free of me?'_

Sebastian's eyebrows shot up and he finally realized where his master's conflict was coming from. He moved to hold his master and was finally allowed to buy said master. Sebastian pulled the boy closer and made a mad dash for the surface.

'_I want to stay by your side… FOREVER,"_ Sebastian stressed the word as much as he could.

When Sebastian looked down he caught a real smile on Ciel's lips, before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and as water rushed through his lung.

'_What an idiot of a master I have, a fledgling can still drown… But maybe that is what his intent was_,' Sebastian mused to himself.

They broke surface faster than Sebastian thought they would and he immediately dragged Ciel to dry land. Sure enough the boy had stopped breathing. Randall spotted them from the bridge and made his way to where they were. Sebastian had already ripped the boys' shirt open with his bare hands and pressed his ear to his master's chest. He could hear a faint heart beat but it was quickly fading for the boy was not breathing.

He immediately pressed his lips to his master's, blowing a steady stream of air into his mouth before pulling away to push on his chest.

Randall reached his side just as he was about to go down to breath more air into his lungs.

"You breath I'll push," Randall stated before taking his place.

Sebastian didn't really acknowledge Randall as he swiftly swooped down and delivered as much breath as he could in one blow. When Sebastian pulled back, Randall began pumping.

The crowd that was steadily getting closed seemed to screech in union at the sight of the unmoving little boy.

"He's mad you know," Randall stated when Sebastian went down to breathe more air into the boy.

"How so," Sebastian asked almost breathlessly as Randall began to push on the boys chest.

"He jumped in by himself, taunting that I wouldn't be able to stop him."

"He is not mad. He was trying to do me a favor, in which I begged him not to, I would have done it eventually," Sebastian lied.

Sebastian looked down at the unmoving boy and frowned deeply with concern. It wasn't long before he regained Ciel passed out did they break surface. He didn't understand why it was taking so long for him to regain consciousness. That was when he remembered that the last time his young demon master has a meal was last night before and he barely ate any of the soul presented to him, instead choosing to shove practically the whole thing down Sebastian's throat with the snarl of…

"…and stop looking at me as if you want to eat me here and now…"

Sebastian leaned down to breath more air into his master's lungs. When he pulled away he became desperate…

"Please, Young Master, open your eyes… Breathe damn it. BREATHE! You have to breathe."

When Sebastian leaned down to place his lips upon his masters once again, the boy shuddered. Sebastian pulled back a slight bit. Ciel coughed and water built up in his mouth. Sebastian hastily turned him on his side and he coughed up the water and sputtered for breath.

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian lost himself in that moment and he scooped his master up in his arms and held him to his chest.

"Don't you ever do that again, do you hear me?"

Ciel gave a faint chuckle and nuzzled his head into Sebastian's chest.

"I won't," Ciel promised before releasing another cough.

His eyes caught Randall's and a smug smirk spread across his lips as he stared the relieved detective down.

"I told you, you couldn't stop me," he stated smugly but his voice was only a whisper.

Randall frowned at the misfit child and gave a hump.

"I don't know why I try…"

The crowd that gathered cheered at the sight of the young boy moving. Many of the people patted Sebastian on the back in congratulations as he walked back up to the bridge from the bank of the river. One person who patted him on his back stated…

"You saved him…"

Sebastian gave a cocky breathless smirk before his eyes traveled down to his now slumbering master in his arms.

"Of course, if I couldn't do that much for my master than what kind of butler would I be?"

"Indeed," Randall stated from behind him.

"I thank you sir for your assistance," Sebastian said turning to him and bowing once his gratitude was expressed.

"Anyone would have done the same."

Sebastian disagreed but he voiced no opinion on the matter and turned on his heel. When he was away from the crowd, and Randall, he sprinted to the Phantomhive manor. When he got there he calmly walked up to the bedroom, and laid Ciel on the bed. He winced at that action but stripped Ciel swiftly of his wet cloths. He moved to the bathroom and ran a lukewarm bath. Once it was filled the way he wanted it he went back into the room to get Ciel. Once he place the boy into the tub the young demons eyes flew open and he stared at Sebastian in wonder.

"What are you doing?"

"You need to warm up."

When Ciel's shivering ceased Sebastian lifted him out of the tub, dried him and carried him back to the room. Ciel wanted to protest but he still felt too tired. Sebastian placed him on his bed and dressed him in a nightshirt.

"Why did you save me Sebastian?"

"…Because you are my master."

"Is that the only reason?"

When Sebastian did not answer Ciel huffed.

"You should have just let me die."

"I told you before that is not what I wanted. I told you before that I want to stay by your side **forever**. I meant it."

Ciel graced Sebastian with that pure smile once again as Sebastian tucked him onto the bed.

"…But why?"

Sebastian considered it than leaned in over his master for a searing peck on the lips.

"Because… I love you…"

Ciel gapped at him.

"Do you really mean it," Ciel asked when they pulled away.

"Of course I do," Sebastian stated and Ciel felt that he truly meant it, "Now rest my lord and never give such a scare like that again."

Sebastian moved to leave the room but Ciel's hand caught the sleeve of his tailcoat.

"Stay with me," he asked but to Sebastian, who knew him best, it was a plead and he graciously accepted.

"Of course, my lord…"

"Ciel…"

"…Pardon?"

"Call me Ciel… You are no longer… a servant…."

Sebastian frowned but didn't press on for how can you speak to a sleeping child?

"Ah well, there is always tomorrow…", He stated exasperatedly.

**The End**

Hope you all enjoyed… Please review…

**YetAnotherJanewayFan**

**P.S. **Any Title suggestions are welcomed, believe me…


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